


Atonement  償い

by Blackened_Blood_In_The_Moonlight



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Ghosts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 04:26:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10586406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackened_Blood_In_The_Moonlight/pseuds/Blackened_Blood_In_The_Moonlight
Summary: Roughly 24 hours after L's death, Light has a supernatural encounter with what appears to be Ryuzaki's ghost. But humans didn't become ghosts when they died, Ryuk told Light himself. Was he just going crazy? Even if he was, Light supposed there was no harm in talking to L, free from the fear of revealing himself as Kira.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a small drabble on Light's mind processing his murder of L in its own way. I just recently reached this part of the anime, and it broke my heart to watch L die. It seems like one of those situations where neither Light or L is complete without chasing the other, and even though there are already new opponents who have emerged to rise up against Kira, it isn't nearly as satisfying as their back and forth laced with double entendres and logical games. Enjoy, feel free to like and comment! This is my first fanfiction in quite awhile so don't be too harsh haha!

Atonement  償い

 

Kira Investigation Headquarters. 24 Hours after L’s death.

 

2:23 a.m. The Headquarters were empty. Everyone had left hours ago. In the calm after the panic, Ryuzaki’s body was taken to the police station. Soichiro had done his best to make some sort of a speech, assuring everyone that even with Higuchi in custody, the Kira Investigation Team would continue operations to search for more information on the Death Note’s origins and possible other Death Notes in existence, after everyone got some rest.

Light removed his hands from the computer keys and leaned back in his desk chair, rubbing his eyes in exhaustion. _What to do now?_ He thought. When he opened his eyes, he let out a small sound of shock. To his left, crouched in the other chair with his thumb pensively placed on his bottom lip, was Ryuzaki. Light shook his head slightly, fully aware that it was impossible for Ryuzaki to be here, but the man wouldn’t disappear. He just sat there in thought, finally turning his head towards Light and furrowing his brow in question at Light’s staring. It was too real, exactly how Ryuzaki would act. And yet, he was dead. Dead by a string of events masterfully orchestrated by Kira in his quest to forge a new world. Light sighed, closing his eyes one more time, and when L’s eyes remained locked on him he muttered, “You’re just going to sit there aren’t you?”

Ryuzaki nodded, scratching at his head for a moment, before pulling out a candy from his pocket and popping it in his mouth.

“Why are you here? Rem killed you. Shouldn’t you be in Hell or…” Light said, although as soon as he spoke he remembered Ryuk telling him that there was no heaven or hell for humans. Just Mu. So why was Ryuzaki here?

Ryuzaki raised his eyebrows. “You assume that I would go to Hell, Light-kun?”

Light recoiled at hearing his deceased friend and enemy’s voice in the darkness. It made his presence much more tangible. Eyes wide, he tried to compose himself. Was this a hallucination? A vision sent from somewhere above to torture him for his acts as Kira? Or was it truly L, his soul unable to move on from Earth to Mu? In the past, Light would’ve scoffed at such a thing as ghosts, but given the past year and the rules of the Death note, he felt as though it might be possible.

“Well if such a place existed…” he said, deciding for the moment to accept the possibility that this might be Ryuzaki’s ghost and see where things went, “You may be the world’s most talented detective, but you are also highly unethical.”

L sucked loudly on his candy. “Oh. Am I?”

Light remembered their conversation on the rooftop. “Yes. You would do anything, including endanger civilians and your own investigators, in order to solve a case. You would rather keep information to yourself unless absolutely necessary to share it, and you hate to lose. So, Hell would seem more natural, if it were a possibility.”

“An accurate description,” L said, looking sullen suddenly. “You forgot arrogant. Though I suppose that’s because you’re blind to your own arrogance.”

Light huffed. “When you are always the smartest person in the room, how can you be anything but arrogant?”

“I was always the smartest in the room. Until we met. I’m actually rather disappointed that Rem killed me. If one of us was going to win, I wish it had been without supernatural influence. Our game has been the most exciting puzzle… But you’ve been killing hundreds of people by writing their names in a book, so winning by normal means—the odds were slim.”

_This has to be real. Right? Ryuzaki openly just commented on me being Kira. I whispered it to him when he died, so it would make sense that his spirit would know. He has never said anything so candidly until now. Maybe death has made him bold._

“You mean you wish either Kira had killed you with his own hands, or you had put him to death.”

“Not quite. Despite what you think, I wouldn’t have you executed. Not anymore. The rest of the world, well, they might have a different opinion. But it would be a waste of intellect to kill you. Just as you now feel it was a waste of intellect for Rem to kill me. You gave away your memories of being Kira once. I would’ve forced you to do it again and hid the Death Note where no one, especially you, would find it. You and I would continue to work as detectives. I would put Misa-chan to death. That would be unavoidable. Even without her memories, she was obsessed with Kira’s crusade.”

Light’s eyes widened. The response was… unexpected. He had considered many times every contingency plan he might need as Kira that involved killing those closest to him. His father, mother and sister, Ryuzaki, so often that his dreams were filled with visions of him tearing the detective apart in less sophisticated ways than using the Death Note. But Ryuzaki would have prevented his execution… No, that couldn’t be right.

“You’ve said many times that Kira’s punishment should be execution.”

“In front of Yagami-san and the task force, yes. Knowing that his persona could be wiped blank from your mind… changes things. I spent months chained to you as Light Yagami. He is dishonest and proud, but a good man.” Ryuzaki curled his toes, rubbing his bare feet together in that nervous way that set everyone around him besides Light on edge.

“Mm. Of course Kira would never agree. His mission would fail.” Light said.

“Yes, _your_ mission to become a God. A fool’s errand if you ask me.”

“I never truly heard your opinion of Kira,” Light said.

“It’s rather late for that, isn’t it?” Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow.

“I’m already either hallucinating or talking to your ghost, Ryuzaki.”

“Fair point.” Ryuzaki licked his fingers to get rid of the residue from the candy. “The fault in Kira is that no matter how hard he may try, a man cannot become a God. He cannot truly use the Death Note objectively, and with an altruistic purpose. His idea of a utopia is influenced by his own perception of the world, which differs from everyone else’s. And so even if the purest human in the world used the Death Note with the purest intentions, they would eventually become corrupted. Then again, one could argue that God himself, being all powerful, also must be evil. But Kira and God are not one in the same. One is a mockery of the other.”

Light pushed his bangs out of his face, considering that. “You still didn’t say either way whether you approve of the outcome of Kira’s justice. Even if the methods are cruel, doesn’t everyone want a better, kinder world?” He did not have to play coy now. Now he could dig into L’s mind, without holding back.

“Not at the expense of free will. By creating Kira, you are manipulating them into submission.”

“Free will… I wasn’t aware you had respect for free will,” Light said, the corner of his mouth turning up into a small smile.

Ryuzaki bit his lip, rationalizing that suggestion and thinking back to Light’s criticism of his ethics. He took out another candy from his pocket and chewed on it thoughtfully.

“You’re right. I never claimed to be a saint. Far from it. But I have principles. And killing for your purposes, is wrong.

What will you do in your perfect world Light? When there are no more toys for you to play with. No more L’s to contend with. When you have exhausted the lists of criminals?”

Light laughed, looking off into space. “Progress. Humanity will work towards progress, under Kira’s leadership. And they will reach their greatest potential. At some point they will forget fear, through living in a world without evil.”

“Not without evil.”

Light lowered his head, bangs falling into his face. “Because I would be the only evil,” speaking of Kira in the first person now.

“Yes. How would you vindicate your own soul?”

“There’s no such thing. Even if I had not used the Death Note, there is no Heaven or Hell.”

“You sound regretful Light. Would you travel back, if you could?”

Their eyes met. For a moment, the impassive expression of Kira was replaced with Light’s quiet sense of solitude. “I believe you already know the answer to that.”

“68 percent.”

“No. I would not go back. The world was so boring for me. People going about their daily lives in impervious bubbles, waiting for something exciting to happen. They let themselves be sheep. A life as a detective seemed the only way to escape that. And even then…”

“Nothing compares to the chase,” L said.

“Yes.”

Silence dragged on, seeping into the walls of the compound, filling Light with uncertainties.

“If you had found the note, if it had dropped somewhere near you—”

“I would not use it. As soon as I could see the Shinigami attached to it and speak to him, I would understand that it was too dangerous to be left out in the open. If I could not ask him how to destroy it, I would hide it.”

“Why?”

“Because even if I wished to kill someone, it’s cheating. To kill someone without having to be involved, without having to see them suffer, is unfair. I doubt even you, could kill without the Death Note.”

_Could I? I never have hurt a person without the Death Note. But, I felt such joy at watching Ryuzaki die in my arms. It’s possible…And yet, that would make me a true murderer. No. Killing without the Death Note would be unthinkable._

Light laughed, pulling out of his thoughts. “So you’d want to see them suffer. Maybe you’d make more of a serial killer than Kira.”

“Kira is a serial killer—don’t ever doubt that. But he is also a coward.”

Light’s jaw tightened. “He outwitted you.”

“Yes. By forcing a God of Death to kill me.” L sighed. “I respect you, Light-kun. You were the only companion I ever had equal to my intellect. And yet by some fate, you were also the person destined to be my greatest enemy. The world only had room for L or Light. I don’t envy you now. You must be… hopelessly bored again.”

He had gotten to the root of it. The whole reason Light was probably talking to L’s ghost. Some small part of him, that was not influenced by Kira or his natural pride—missed Ryuzaki.

Light frowned. “Possibly.”

Ryuzaki yawned, and it was such a normal gesture that Light forgot for the moment that he was dead. “Don’t worry Light-kun, it may take a while, but soon enough you won’t be bored. People will rise up against you. They will figure out that you are not the real L. The world will rally. And you will finally feel the justice you crave.”

Light didn’t know what to say to that. But he could tell that their chat had neared its close.

“Maybe so. We’ll see. Goodbye, Ryuzaki-kun.”

“Goodbye Light-kun.”

\------

Light Yagami was shaken awake by his father. As he wearily opened his eyes, he realized he’d fallen asleep at the computer last night. As consciousness returned to him, he remembered. He had actually spoken to Ryuzaki, or a vision of Ryuzaki. Whichever it was, the conversation had brought about a conflicting mix of emotions that Light hadn’t experienced in a while, if ever. Speaking so candidly about Kira to someone other than Misa or Ryuk (neither of which were terribly intelligent) had brought him a strange sense of relief, and frustration. If only Ryuzaki had joined his side of the fight, he would’ve made room in his New World for the detective. But he had not, and so Light had been forced to get rid of him. There was nothing standing in his way of now. He stood, bid good morning to his father, and walked upstairs to shower. Today was the beginning of his true reckoning. And no one, especially not a vision of Ryuzaki, would stop him from achieving it.


End file.
